First of all, for the roughly 99% of you who have no idea who I am, my name is Shaun Broyls, I'm and actor and comedian who's been doing stand-up for a little over a decade, making jokes about all sorts of sensitive subjects- racism, sexism, pedophilia, quadriplegia- but to this point, no rape jokes. Unfortunately I've never raped anyone yet so I have no experience from which to draw material. However, I've got a Vegas trip planned in a couple months and hope to change that. 

That was a joke. I have no plans to rape anyone. I am not making light of those who have been raped. I am not condoning those who do the raping. I'm simply taking a horrible situation and doing what comedians do, which is somehow find a humorous slant to give people a chuckle. However, now we can add "rape" to the list of things comedians are never to talk about, and the constant censoring and over-scrutiny of everything we do is getting ridiculous. 

The rape joke "problem" recently came to light after a Daniel Tosh joke last summer, and now is a full on effort to scrub rape jokes from the repertoire of every comic on the planet. An article by blogger/reporter Sady Doyle vilified comedian Sam Morrill for his "proud and delighted" rape jokes in this piece last Saturday, and now just yesterday, Molly Knefel threw Patton Oswalt into the mix in this article for Salon, for his complacency in letting these things happen and not using his celebrity- in specific his Twitter account- to help stop the rape joke atrocity that apparently is taking over America's comedy clubs and indirectly giving the thumbs up to potential rapists out there because regardless of if it's morally and legally abhorrent, if a celebrity doesn't put their stamp of disapproval on it, it's fine to go ahead and do it anyway.

I'm sick of it. For those of you who don't know, this happens every few years, where a problem that has existed since the beginning of time is suddenly somehow worsened by the words of stand-up comedians or comedy sketches. A few years ago the hot-button issue became Domestic Violence, and Saturday Night Live became the poster child for the problem of the nation's ambivalence towards the issue after its sketch where Elin Woods stood next to a battered Tiger Woods after she'd caught him cheating. A few years before that, it was comics' use of the "N-word" which was bringing about the downfall of society, which really pissed me off- so much so that I made a comedy music video called "I'm Takin' Nigga Back", which was a light-hearted and funny, but also pretty pointed look at why I can use the word if I wanted to.

One of the issues I had with this latest soapbox rambling has to do with why I put the picture with the female model with the date rape t-shirt atop this piece. Why, Sady and Molly, did you not include the many female comedians who also include rape jokes in their material and instead just focus on the males, making it out like this is strictly a "problem" perpetrated by male comics? I just watched Amy Schumer's latest episode of Inside Amy Schumer, which is ridiculously funny. And by funny I mean: shocking, sick, twisted, wrong, without boundaries and totally worth it. In this episode, during one of her bits where she was doing stand-up, she did a rape joke, and not just a rape joke, she pointed to a woman in the audience and said something to the effect of, "I mean, look at you, you've probably been raped, right?" In the context of the overall segment of her act, it was hilarious. The girl was laughing. The audience was laughing. It WAS A JOKE. Now why is Amy Schumer off-limits and male comedians are not? Is it like that old argument of since I'm black, it's okay for me to say the N-word to my friend, but a white person can not? 

Why are we not looking at the context of jokes anymore- or more importantly, the INTENT of the joke? What are we supposed to do- have a checklist before we hit the stage of every possible scenario that could be considered offensive, then go to every individual member of the audience and ask if they would be offended by a joke on each topic, then check the ones where someone would be offended off the list? Every comedian has jokes that he/she knows has a chance of offending someone in the audience who's actually been personally affected by whatever it is we're talking about. HAD that woman in the audience actually been raped AND (this is also important) been UPSET by the joke, I don't know Amy Schumer, but I can pretty much guarantee that she would have felt bad about it. A prime example is when I was at a game or something years back, and had to shit REALLY bad and the only thing open was the handicap stall. I used it. When I came out, there was a guy waiting...IN A WHEELCHAIR. I felt like total shit and apologized profusely like a guy who slapped his girlfriend for the first time. But what were the odds of that actually happening? Not high. It's the same thing with doing stand-up. We look at the odds and we gamble that our material will be looked at as so obvious a joke that even if a person has been affected, they won't look at it as a personal attack against them. In that same vein, if the INTENT is to cause harm, i.e. Michael Richards' N-word rant years ago, without any attempt at humor whatsoever, well then we move from comedy set into hate speech and of course that should not be tolerated.

Two things before I end this:

1. It is not Patton Oswalt's obligation to use his Twitter account to champion every cause on the planet just because he has a million followers. As Charles Barkley said decades before him, he is NOT A ROLE MODEL. He is not the spokesperson for Aflac, and has no responsibility to temper his humor based on corporate strategy, current rape statistics or the bylaws of the Parents Television Council. Whether you're as big a celebrity as Patton, a guy in-between like Sam Morrill (who responded to Sady's article about himself here on his Facebook page) or as little a fish in the pond as myself, it is not our job to do anything but just that...our job. To chastise Patton Oswalt for not championing the cause of ending the rape joke is dangerous for many reasons:

Let's say Patton champions the anti-rape joke movement and people listen. You're satisfied he's done his duty as an influential celebrity. However, let's say he keeps going, and decides he's going to champion other causes he believes in as well. Let's say for argument's sake, that Patton believes that everyone should carry a gun on the border and "shoot down any Mexican that tries to cross into the good ol' Red, White and Blue". Well that'd be pretty bad wouldn't it? But guess what, you were just fine with him tweeting out his agenda when it was the same as yours. Now you're just as big a hypocrite as you accused him of being when you said he condemned the Boston Marathon bombing but then didn't step up and condemn rape jokes. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. You can't pick and choose what you want him to say, just as you can't pick and choose what is and is not off limits for comedians to write jokes about. Plus, how funny would Patton be if all he did was be the Bono of comedy? Not very funny at all. There's a reason it's called "comic relief", and if he were to start being one of those entitled celebrities who feel it's their job to remind us of how bad off the world is, that would be dangerous to his career, as well.

2. We are comedians, some of us more famous than others. But we all have the same goal- to make people laugh. That's it. Some of us do it through clean comedy, some dirty, but the goal is always to take risks and push boundaries that you don't find in the mainstream. People don't come to a comedy club expecting NOT to groan once in a while. A comedy club is an intimate, sacred place that lends itself to the baring of souls and the shredding of them as well. If you take the time to drive to a comedy club, plunk down the $10 to get in, buy the 2 drink minimum and give up 2 hours of your life, you deserve to get something you couldn't get by sitting on the couch at home watching NBC. We're doing you a disservice if we aren't making you say "I can't believe he/she said that."

by Shaun Broyls

Sorry for the tone of this post but this bit of news has been a steel-toed, syphilis-laden boot up my ass all day. Initially, I struggled with whether to title this article, "Fuck you, Hollywood", because for some reason, my naive mind foolishly assumed that 1)anyone would be reading this blogpost, and 2)someone of massive importance in Hollywood would read this article and be so upset with its title that he or she would take the time to pull a Joseph McCarthy, label me a threat to the entertainment industry and have me blacklisted forever. Only a few problems with that theory. Who would I have been blacklisted from? The agents that never call me back? The publishers who never even bother giving me a "No, thanks"? The networks who refuse to take anything from anyone who isn't connected with one of the aforementioned bigwigs? In the end, the phrase "Fuck you, Hollywood" is apt and, considering the topic of this post, may do more good than harm anyway.

This post is only partially about me and the many others like me who have continued to plod away, working hard at our crafts, taking classes, creating content, writing, whatever...only to see something like the picture above happen.  Just so you have some sort of frame of reference to the frustration I'm feeling at this point, the picture above is of rookie "News Anchor" AJ Clemente on Live! With Kelly and Michael. This picture was taken on the same day he also made an appearance on David Letterman, and also did an interview with US Weekly. Now the reason I put "News Anchor" in quotes is because AJ Clemente, on his first day anchoring the news in North Dakota, said "fucking shit" on air, obviously not knowing he was on. He was fired the next day. And now, less than five days later, he's an instant celebrity, and has accepted a job with Kelly and Michael covering a movie premiere.  I guess if I had said "fucking shit" on air, I would have gotten that co-hosting gig with Kelly a few years back.

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start. Never mind it's a Pierce Brosnan movie, at a premiere that even Pierce Brosnan probably doesn't want to be at. The fact is, AJ Clemente is going to get more National Television screen time in five minutes than many of us will ever get in our lives. And all for saying "fucking shit" on air. All for fucking up a job that he never should have gotten in the first place. I actually was a News Anchor for years, a pretty popular one as well. I graduated with a degree in Broadcast Journalism. The FIRST thing you learn is that the mic is always hot. It's basic journalism 101. Yet he blames his producers for turning on the mic. Well, try not saying "fucking shit" when you're on set at all, asshole. When I was let go in the last year of my Anchor contract(right before Christmas) for what the News Director literally said was because I was "too funny", they trusted me enough to leave me on-air through the next two months. In the face of that injustice, I could have easily gone off on-air, but in doing so would have blown any chance of getting another anchor job, and my family would have suffered. However, seeing as I'm not interested in anchoring anymore, maybe I did MORE of a disservice to my family by NOT telling the station on Live TV to go fuck itself.

This stings. It stings because for the last few years I've been watching as the Entertainment Industry grabs a hold of the first thing that goes viral and latches onto it like a Vegas working girl on a tourist. The problem is that in the past, these things were simply sideshows, 15-minutes of fleeting fame that came and went like, well, a tourist on a Vegas working girl. (Whatever, I can use the same metaphor twice. It works). Now, however, these sideshows are actually becoming SHOWS. People who made the news by doing embarrassing, shameful, even illegal things, are actually being REWARDED for their screw-ups and given shows, money, fame, all for having no discernable talent of any kind (SEE: Kim Kardashian).

The problem with this is that it's people like myself (and many others like me) who are left out in the cold. And before you give me grief about "Well, you chose to be an actor/comedian, so you should know how it works", I'm going to stop you right there and ask would you tell an underworked architect, educator or plumber the same thing? No, you wouldn't. They went into the field which offered the most promise for their abilities and passions, as did I and thousands of others like me. However, the entertainment industry is different. Unlike all of those other fields, which usually adhere to the adage that "hard work pays off in the end", the entertainment industry bucks that trend with stories like AJ Clemente's. The biggest Catch-22 on the planet is in Hollywood, and it's well-known and well-despised by actors and comedians alike: You have to have an agent to get in front of the people who matter, but to get an agent, you need a referral from, you guessed it, the people who matter. Getting one without the other is damn near impossible and forces thousands of people out of the industry every year just as a new crop of hopefuls, some talented, most not, get off the bus to try their hand at achieving fame in the City of Angels. 

Just so you don't think I'm crying "unfair! unfair!" for no reason, I most definitely HAVE tried the standard way of "getting in", sending out hundreds of envelopes with headshots to agents, making phone calls, emails, working small parts for free, building a resume, asking friends for referrals, everything. 99.9% of the time, I don't even get the courtesy of a response. So because of this, I've gone the non-traditional route probably more than anyone in this city. Besides sneaking into agencies to leave scripts, selling myself as a writer on eBay, hiring a publicist, running my own stand-up comedy club and financing my subsequent comedy tour, sitcom pilot and self-published humor book among many other things, I've produced content all across the board- videos, podcasts, scripts, blogs, pilots, all for free, all to continue working towards my goals.  I even made The Onion's AV Club this past month with my latest video, a tongue-in-cheek but real petition to all Television Networks to at least look at my work and give me a chance at a show. Watch it and you'll probably like it. I've freelanced as a writer, columnist and even work with a non-profit agency/City of Chicago to write grant proposals, along with producing/writing/shooting HIV/AIDS Awareness and Prevention videos for a Youtube franchise I started called "Lights, Camera, Survive!"- videos I'm very proud of and which I just learned have been recognized Nationally. 

This is why AJ Clemente's good fortune has struck such a chord with me. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of trying everything under the sun to get someone to look at my extensive body of work with no success, while people who say "fucking shit" on-air get paying gigs and more publicity than I could dream of. 

I remember when I was in AJ Clemente's position. Just graduated from college, Broadcast Journalism degree, internships...I was young, eager and ready to take on the world. Sent out about a million resumes, got no responses. Not even an interview. So I gave up. It's the only time in my life I actually gave up on something. I decided I'd go back to school and be a teacher. I took the GRE's, was accepted into grad school, rented an apartment, and was resigned to my fate of being in a career I wasn't even close to being passionate about. That's when I got a call from a small news station in Wausau, Wisconsin. You see, little did I know, my mother was still sending out my resume, (something for which I can NEVER repay her) even as I sat in my apartment ready to embark on another couple years of school.  I accepted the job, broke my lease and moved to Wisconsin just a few days before I was due to start grad school. I eventually became an award-winning journalist, voted "Best Personality in Kansas City" and made some good money, all after "giving up". 

Sadly, and this is difficult to admit, I find myself in that frame of mind again. And I've invested A WHOLE lot more in this industry than just a summer of sending out resumes. I've put years and sweat and heart and tears into making this work. I've gotten praised for my scripts, performances and work ethic from network executives, agents, producers, comedy club owners, directors...("praised" = jerked off repeatedly without any climax).  This isn't just a pipe dream like one of those sad saps on American Idol who thinks they're the next Mariah Carey but sing like Drew Carey. I may not be good at changing a tire, cooking a meatloaf or growing hair, but I'm good at this. No matter who we are, we ALL have at least one good thing we excel at. Mine happens to be acting and writing comedy, whether on the stage or on the screen. It's what I'm best at and what I feel like I was put here to do. However, AJ Clemente just may be my nail in the coffin. The promise I used to feel when I see talented, hard working performers like Jim Gaffigan, Kevin Hart, Amy Schumer, Louis CK, Patton Oswalt, Key & Peele, Kelly Oxford, etc. get their own shows, movies or book deals has been cancelled out by the disgust I feel when watching the likes of the Clementes, Snookies, Kardashians and one-hit Twitter wonders like Shit My Dad Says reach the peak of the mountain through the "train wreck" and "it's hot right now so go with it" requirements that networks and the industry in general covet. Let's be clear: I'm NOT a hater. I just want to see someone get what they deserve, and deserve what they get. Call me crazy that I feel good to see people succeed who have worked hard to get there. I've contributed to people's Kickstarter projects, worked for free to help friends out in their projects...I WANT those who deserve it to succeed. Whether that's me or someone else who deserves it, it doesn't matter. As long as they DESERVE it.

I had a producer recently meet with me after seeing all of my work and ask, "How are you not on TV right now?" If I knew that I wouldn't be writing this blog. Maybe me doing all of this work, helping others, offering to help friends in their endeavors without wanting anything in return...maybe it's all been for naught. If there is such a thing as Karma, I would ask it to please kiss my ashy black ass. 

By the way, before you get all Sally Struthers on me, I realize there are more important things in the world than the problems of one or even a thousand under-employed actors. But for those of you who want to comment that I need to shut up because kids are starving in Africa, to that I say that kids starving in Africa doesn't make the problems of individuals any less important. While I don't complain much, when I do complain, I shouldn't have to temper my frustrations by recognizing and keeping in perspective the problems of the entire world. When it comes to our lives, we all have the right to be frustrated, angry, even jealous, and right now, I'm all of the above. Writing is a way for me to feel better about the deck of cards the size of Kanye West's porn budget that continues to be stacked against me. I have a wife...kids, I want them to live well. I want to support them by doing what I'm good at. All I want is an opportunity, and I shouldn't have to go on air and say "fucking shit" to get it.

WE ARE BACK with a FURY! Some INSANE, CRAZY stories today and maniacal theories on everything in life...with topics that include:

- Fake fires and Cowardly Doctors

- The best way to breed mice

- When's the BEST time to shop for groceries? We'll tell you!

- Why falling off a treadmill is always HILARIOUS

- How to create a fake Twitter account and get suspended in less than 24 hours...

AND MUCH MORE!!! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!

ALSO, make sure to watch the Black Dude's latest comedy PETITION VIDEO, sign and SHARE THE LINK!!! 

WE'RE BACK! And we're talking tons of smack...with topics like:

- Chinese Sweatshop Workers Rewarded With Commodore 64s

- Child Actors and Strippers

- Fat wives and husbands

- Why Kristen Stewart is the worst person on the planet

- AND a SPECIAL HOMAGE to Black Dude, White Chick!

AND MUCH MORE! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!

CHICAGO -- In what is equally as stunning a show of remorse as it is the advancements in modern science, the satirical news organization, The Onion, is going to great lengths to show contrition in the wake of the Quvenzhané Wallis backlash. 

Following his widely scrutinized apology on Monday, The Onion CEO Steve Hannah went one step further by vowing to "personally apologize to every person, business or animal we have ever satirized." Considering this is the 25-year Anniversary of the pub's founding, the list of those targeted likely numbers into the thousands. However, Hannah, speaking in what now is an extremely high-pitched voice (due to the fact that he now says after his apology he no longer has to deepen his voice to hide the fact he was born without testicles), claims that his "Remorse Squad" has already begun the arduous task of "righting every wrong".

"In 1992 we wrote an article called 'Mike Tyson Imprisoned For Rape, Inmates Sue For Right to Have Anuses Sewn Up". Obviously that was not true and to have one's anus sewn up would obviously be counterproductive, as there would be no ability to relieve oneself from the natural buildup of feces. We would like to apologize to the inmates of the Plainfield Correctional Facility, past and present, for any problems our article may have caused."

The Onion has also brokered a business arrangement with "Lifelong Industries" to help ensure its Remorse Squad reaches everyone, even those who may no longer be alive. "Lifelong Industries"- run by "Snappy" Phil Stevens and his common law wife of 29 years, Yenny- claims to have come up with a way to reanimate the corpses of anyone who has died from natural causes. "Yes, we are currently working on a number of projects," Stevens said from his manufactured home in Santa Clarita, CA. "We are honored that The Onion has offered to fund what we hope to be the final stretch in our effort to bring life back to those who unnecessarily lost it due to God's design flaws." Yenny, a mute since age 8, also voiced her excitement over their venture with The Onion through a flurry of excited hand gestures and what one could only describe as joyous grunts.

"Once Lifelong Industries achieves the ability to reanimate the dead, our first stop will, of course, be Glendale, California, so we can apologize to Michael Jackson in person," said The Onion's Hannah, who cited numerous articles in which the paper satirized the King of Pop, specifically the 2004 piece, "Michael Jackson's Defense: 'It's Not Molestation if the Victim is Too Young to Spell It'". 

Those who demonized the pub after its Oscar Night Tweet which used an offensive female slur in referring to the 9-year old Wallis, have mixed feelings on The Onion's latest attempt at forgiveness. While many applauded the paper's efforts, one actor- who has a unique perspective in both his age and his experience with "dead" people- had a different take. "I don't think reanimating corpses is the answer," said 13-year old Chandler Riggs, who plays the role of "Carl" on AMC's The Walking Dead. "We have a hard enough time dealing with the Walkers we have now. We're running out of ammunition and supplies as it is. By the way can you send us toilet paper? We don't have any toilet paper." It should be noted that AMC Producers reached out to us in defense of Riggs' seemingly delusional views on reality, admitting that because of his young age they have had no choice but to deceive Riggs into thinking there really are zombies overtaking the earth, in order to get "a more real performance". When we noted to them that Quvenzhané Wallis was only nine but was obviously able to distinguish the line between fiction and reality, and Riggs was four years older, they said they would rethink the situation but would probably not "let him know the Matrix exists until at least his 15th birthday". 

For her part, neither Wallis or her family members have spoken on the subject. However we spoke with one of Wallis' grade school classmates who, choosing to remain anonymous, said that at school yesterday, Wallis drew a picture of a duck in a pond, which in his words, "was nice". 

Today's show says the phrase "leaky nips" roughly 15 times. That plus:

-Why Dr. Oz is an abomination

-The U.S. Government hates the Black Dude

-Black Dude reveals an embarrassing health issue

-A recap of the ENTIRE Wheel of Fortune fiasco, and for the FIRST TIME EVER,  

-The White Chick ADMITS she's Wrong!

AND MUCH MORE! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!

Today's Show is a SUPER one! We talk:

- Super Bowl madness and punk ass jealous freaks

- ANOTHER game show for the Black Dude, White Chick?

- Is New Orleans cursed? 

- Why is Justin Bieber now a black man?

- The White Chick's HUGE NEWS!!!

AND MUCH MORE! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!

Today's Show is an open and honest vent session on everything wrong, including:

-Reality show "stars"

-Black people who don't like chicken

-Gay friends of Notre Dame idiots

-Teachers who think slavery and science go hand-in-hand, and

-7yr olds who want bombs to blow up stuff

AND MUCH MORE! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!

Today's show is an entertainment cavalcade of controversy, as the hosts tackle:

- Beyonce's Inauguration performance

- Diseased Wet Nurses

- Stupid Ass Broke Celebrities

- When is it OKAY to compare black athletes?

- AND the Black Dude's porn aspirations REVEALED...

AND MUCH MORE! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!

Today on a VERY SPECIAL Black Dude, White Chick: The Show...

- The legacy of Conrad Bain and why Dudley was REALLY molested

- American Idol is BACK and better than EVER!

- Why A-1 is A-OK

- When is it okay for kids to be ashamed of their parents, and...

- THE MANTI TE'O DISASTER and why Oprah could have him executed

AND MUCH MORE! Just click below to listen! And hit up our Black Dude/White Chick Facebook page and click a LIKE! And then a SHARE!